I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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