I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
