If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
