hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
