im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
