he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
