If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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