Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
