i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
