if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
