of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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