when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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