I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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