You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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