the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
