I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
