when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
