He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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