idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
