I got chris browned last night
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
