Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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