Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
