I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
