worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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