Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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