in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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