too bad you live with your parents still
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize