The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
