i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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