smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
