i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize