So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
