It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
