just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
