I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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