I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
