you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
