I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
