i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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