Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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