I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
