no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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