i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
