I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
