I cannot find my penis.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
