She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
