So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
