I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
