Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
