Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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