The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need a beard to bite.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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