That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
