shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
