Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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