3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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