You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
