Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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