Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
