whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
