Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
