Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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