We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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