Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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