Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
