after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
