So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
